Today is like any other day: a hurdy-gurdy collision of who we are and who we want to be. Two boys, not enough sleep, too many things on the to-do list. The same ordinary fears and falterings and hurdles that always find me, find me still.
And yet, I have this inexplicable gratitude: That I am alive. That this body moves. That each morning when I wake up I find one or two emails in my inbox from complete strangers telling me that my book has made a difference in their lives.
For the way T wakes up, and after showering finds my feet and rubs them, one and then the other, while I’m still trailing dreams.
For good espresso and the way the leaves have been a display of splendor: every shade of vermillion, every hue of gold. For running with T at lunchtime. Three miles next to the blue, blue lake.
For seeing my dear friend, even for only a handful of moments, her new hair cut slanting bangs and layers across her gorgeous cheekbones.
That my boys run to me when I get home. That first one, and then the other clamber into my arms, covering my cheeks with kisses. For the way we all gather around the kitchen counter then; T making curry and chicken, and me kneading and frying chapattis with Sprout, while Bean flips through the latest issue of a food magazine, pointing out recipes and reading the titles of things he’s curious about or wants to make.
For reading Secret Garden with Bean at bedtime, which is, hands down my favorite book from when I was a kid.
For the way the air smells under the nighttime stars; like snow soon, and decomposing leaves and woodsmoke. And for the way T’s skin feels, warm and salty and supple beside me as I crawl into bed for the night.
A day, this one, in it’s entirety: a handful of moments.
What holds your attention? What small things overtake you with the feeling of gratitude?
(I love to read your lists!)
-The tiny woodpecker that finally found my suet treat hanging from a tree branch.
-bright leaves falling in Central Park like confetti from mother nature
-spray paint graffiti on the sidewalk with a message I needed to hear right that minute
I have always, always loved your lists, Nikki! This one made me smile.
Every day when I pick my daughter up at school I pinch myself as she runs out to greet me; that in this vast world, we found each other is nothing short of miraculous.
And the gift of reading good stories again with her … thank you for reminding me to pull out my copy of The Secret Garden. That will be a treat!
Love. Love, love, love. As always. xox
For happy moments hard won, a peck of time sorting inspiration after fighting against myself all day.
For the sun yesterday and the mildness of the autumn so far.
For the people out there who will help me achieve my goals, they just don’t know it yet.
For the burgeoning confidence I can feel in my chest, even though it hasn’t made its way into the world yet.
For the frivolous, the blessed relief of pretending pretty shoes or well-bound books are the most important things for a while.
Fiona, I love that your reply reads like a poem… and especially the last lines: “For the frivolous, the blessed relief of pretending pretty shoes or well-bound books are the most important things for a while.” So good!