Oh hello there… I’m sorry I’ve been so incommunicado of late.
It’s just… it’s gradually hitting me: how cumulatively exhausted I am after finishing my book, and finishing graduate school, and starting my new job, all in the span of ten months or so. Followed by juggling new schedules, and preK for Sprout, and long daily commutes, and book promotion stuff (which while totally wonderful, has also been completely draining.)
{{ In case you missed it, this week I was featured on Balancing the Tide. And on Lesley Riley’s Art & Soul Radio Show. }}
And so, the year winds down, I’ve been feeling compelled to really listen to the whispers at the back of my heart that are telling me to explore what self care means.
And what I’m learning is that while I know how to put myself first–career and work-wise, I’m not nearly so good at at putting my soul first… and what my soul and body crave isn’t always in line what my mind pushes for, compelled by self-discipline and productivity inspired momentum.
What I’m learning is that I’m not so great at saying no. Or disappointing. Or redrawing boundaries to give space for the tender, soft, quiet parts of my soul to flourish again.
So I’ve been trying to do a little bit of that over the past handful of days. I’ve been…
- unsubscribing from e-newsletters
- deleting rss feeds I no longer follow or find joy in
- tying up loose ends and threads for various projects
- dancing in the kitchen with T.
- saying no more that I’m saying yes
- Going to bed earlier and trying consistently to get more sleep
- spending a lot of time giggling on the couch with my boys
- relishing the little rituals that preparing for the holidays offer
I’ve also been focusing on returning to the two things I know always balance me: Running and morning pages. Waking up early and bleary eyed, and curling in a robe in the big white chair in my studio as the sky turns to pink. I’m still not in the habit of either, but already things feel closer to balance.
I’m curious: how do you nurture yourself when your reserves are over-drawn?
Interestingly, I noticed this shift in you…from just your INSTAGRAM photos!! They being at home, silly, in the moment, with the boys. Finding this post doesn’t surprise me at all. I too feel a deep lack of outdoor time. It’s not healthy.
Self care is SO hard. I tend to let my internet connections slip, and of course, the laundry. I work from deadline to deadline, but I also try (hard) to sit alone for some time. If I don’t, I am not very productive and I am also not fun to be around! That space to breathe was non-existent for the last bit of the semester, and it will be at the beginning as well, but I can only keep that up for short spurts. I have learned that if I DON’T listen to my body, that is when I get sick. And, yes. I STILL get to that point, and get sick. I wish I could listen to myself more.
The last few days I’ve been thinking of how writing – even jotting down bits and pieces – and reading make me feel whole. Being in Spain, away from the comfortable quiet moments of my own home, makes them even more important. In the blur of jet lag, sick baby, sick and solo mama this week, I’ve written, and I’ve read, and both have filled me up. Walks outside too…which are so much harder on cold, short winter days.
I almost forgot how to take care of myself but I am coming back to me. I find baths really help. I put a nice soothing bubble bath in the water plus jasmine and lavender. I also start going to bed early tomorrow morning I am going to get up and do some yoga then go for a walk. I also realized today that I wanted to journal again. Silence is a big part of how I come back to me and take care of me.
I’m with you, C… on silence. So hard to make spaces for emptiness and stillness. So easy to fill every gap and chink with the whirring of business and noise. But so important not to.
I lived for a few years without self-care and finally had enough. Now I’m on a pilgrimage that includes lots of beach walks, early morning writing and good books by the fire. (Your book included, Christina. It came in the mail the other day and I’m loving every page. Nicely done.)
Kim, I love the way you put it: “on a pilgrimage…” Yes, that exactly.
A bath with lavender and bubbles when I’ve had a long day. Yoga, walking the woods with my furry bestie, painting or drawing when I want and daydreaming as much as possible. Oh, and I’m learning to listen to my body- when it hurts or is giving me a weird sign, I ask what that’s about. Then, there’s the checking in with myself stuff about what I’m really feeling. These last two are newish ones I’m actually paying attention to, b/c I didn’t in the past. Self care is a lot, isn’t it? xoxo
Eileen–that’s something I am not very good at at all…Listening to my body–and I know it’s something I need to get better at. I like the way you describe that process almost as a conversation with yourself.
I am terrible at self-care, because I usually feel selfish, or else I get to the point where I’m so burned out that I feel like I am escaping or hiding. Today feels like a day I’d like to escape and hide away from, with the tragedy that happened to those poor babies in CT. But, one of the ways I generally try to do for myself is to avoid the news. I will listen to NPR on the way home from work, but that is the extent of it. Unless I hear about something that I feel I NEED to read about in order to maintain my connection to humanity (like today’s news), I avoid the media at all costs. It only drowns me. I spent nearly all day at my desk at work crying off and on. Tonight I just wanted to sit with my daughter and stuff my face with cookies and frozen burritos. So, I do have a very hard time with self-care and coping with the stress that leads to burn-out. I have also been painting almost daily, which has helped immensely, especially when using either my fingers in the paint, or just a palette knife. Something about those two things just really helps me “feel” the paint internally, like a meditation. But I’m a scattered, fragmented mess. Something to work on this new year, I suppose. Thank you for your post. I love your blog, and reading your words is very therapeutic and encouraging. You are so “real” to your audience, and that is very rare and special. thank you.
Oh Jennifer… I know exactly what you mean about the “feeling selfish” bit. I have that narrative too in my head… but I’m striving to rewrite it.
Still trying to figure out the right words for a post about the Sandy Hook tragedy… so many words, yet none quite wrap around the feelings.
These are great ideas, and your post in general is a timely prompt for me to re-examine my reserves, which feel perilously low. Recharging for me has a lot to do with sleep, but there’s more to it though I can’t totally articulate what. I need to do some thinking about this. Thank you for nudging me to do so! xo
Me too. Sleep is so so important… and it is so hard for me to stop, to shut off, to get that extra hour. Committed though. Sleep = physical growing for kids… What parallel growth do we do as adults? There must be some magic that occurs…
good reminders
love “unsubscribe from e-newsletters!”
didn’t even consider how they chip away at my psychic energy…but GAH! get outta my life!
making a note to unsubscribe profusely. thanks
That’s exactly what they do: drain away your energy without you even realizing it. That feeling, every morning, at the tide of emails you’ll never read… yet there they are, flooding in. Ugh. Glad you’ve been inspired to ruthlessly delete :)
When I want to recharge, ( and when I remember to) I do physical stuff first, and by this I mean things that touch the body: I soak in baths, paint my nails, bake complicated cakes, make soups and fold laundry. I do the things – like cleaning, I am not a neat freak – that reach back and slow down and concern my everyday. I read stories to the kids and avoid screens at all costs. I take lots of photos and come back to my blog to write about the winter sky.
Susanna, yeah, lately I’ve tried to pull back quite a bit from screens–particularly since I work in front of one all day. I find the antidote to them is poems. Copious amounts, greedily devoured.
I do a terrible job at self-care myself, but I’m trying to keep it on my radar these days… to at least be conscious of my self’s needs even if I never seem to find the time in a day to meet them. Lots and lots of alone time is usually what I crave when my batteries are run dry. Alone time with books or pen and paper and a constant supply of hot drinks. I hope you get the hibernation time you need and so thoroughly deserve this Christmas!
We’re so similar–especially on the alone time thing. That’s the single hardest thing about having kiddos… the shortage of alone time. I’m trying to figure out how to prolong the hibernation state…
Oooooh, such lovely ideas. Spending any amount of time outside (no matter the weather) is very nurturing and comforting for me.
Yes, that’s one of the biggest shortages currently with indoor work, and winter months: not enough outside time. You’re so right Beck… how to integrate little moments here and there in the new year–that’s one of my goals.